The Prince and the Palmer
by Channel D
Summary: They say that everyone in the world has a double. But is the world really ready for two Jimmy Palmers, one of whom is royalty? Could these mix-ups ever happen to anyone but Jimmy? Written for the NFA A Case of Mistaken Identity challenge. Three chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**The Prince and the Palmer**

**by channelD**

_written for_: the NFA _A __Case of Mistaken Identity_ challenge  
_rating_: K plus  
_genre_: humor  
_characters_: Jimmy and some others

**xoxoxoxoxo**

_disclaimer_: I still own nothing of NCIS.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**Chapter 1**

Jimmy had just set down the book he'd decided he wasn't going to buy (his budget being tight this month). That's when he suddenly looked into a pair of green-hazel eyes…

…very much like his own green-hazel eyes, and also with round, black-rimmed glasses.

_What a strange place for a mirror; in a busy bookstore,_ he thought. _Ah, I have a crumb on my face._ He reached up and brushed it away. _And there's another one!_ One swipe and it was gone. Then he ran a hand through his hair, which was sticking up a bit.

_Wait; I don't remember putting on a purple shirt this morning. Do I even _own _a purple shirt?_ He looked down. No, the shirt he wore was blue. Was it a trick of the light? It must be.

Then his reflection blinked and smiled. "Extraordinary!" it said, and Jimmy jumped. He didn't realize he'd said that.

And he hadn't, he saw then. What he'd taken for a mirror was someone who looked enough like him to be his double. "Extraordinary!" the other man said again, in a soft accent that Jimmy couldn't place. "Are you a distant relative of mine, my dear fellow?"

Jimmy shook the offered hand. "I don't know…who are you?"

His double laughed, and bowed slightly. "Prince Jhon of Rhumbhertia, at your service. I am in Washington on a state visit. The dinner at the White House was last night; today I have free. Tomorrow I speak before your Congress, and then the next day it is back home."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, your, uh, your, uh, Sir." 'Your royalty' didn't sound correct, and Jimmy's mind was otherwise blank, as it distressingly was, all too often. "Oh. My name's James. James Palmer. I'm usually called Jimmy."

"Jimmy, then, if I may. You are a fan of human gore, as I am?" He indicated the book on medieval surgery attempts that Jimmy had just put down.

"Well, uh, I wouldn't call it that. I'm in medical school, and I work as an assistant to a medical examiner."

"But that's splendid! Were I not destined to be king of Rhumbhertia, I would have been delighted to go into that line of work! It has always been my chief interest." His green-hazel eyes gleamed with a hefty dose of mania.

"There's nothing like cheering yourself up on a bluesy day with a slice, dice, and chop!" Jimmy said, enthusiastically, and then lowered his voice as he got curious looks from other bookstore customers.

"I can well imagine, my good man! Come! Do say you'll have lunch with me so that we can talk more about your fascinating career!"

"Well, um…sure!" It wasn't every day that Jimmy was invited to lunch by royalty…royalty that bore such a resemblance to him, in fact.

"I know a great restaurant…" Jimmy began.

"No need, my friend! We will dine at my hotel! The meals are exceptional!"

Everything seemed to be full of superlatives to Prince Jhon, Jimmy noticed. The prince's silent bodyguard, Bluto, was a living superlative: close to seven feet tall and weighing who-knew-how-much. He could probably stop a cannon ball with his stomach.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

After a short trip in the prince's limousine, they arrived at one of the finest hotels in Washington. The prince had an enormous suite that shone with wealth. "I do so hate being called attention to in the dining room," Jhon said with faint apology. "We shall order room service. Gaze upon the room service menu, dear Jimmy. See what you might like."

Jimmy read, and then gulped. "Everything sounds fabulous…but…there are no prices!"

Jhon laughed. "But money does not matter, my friend! And it should not concern you. I invited you to lunch. It is, as you say, 'on me.'"

"Well, if you insist…" He saw something that sounded French and beefy, like one of the recipes from his mother's Julia Child cookbook. "This looks good…"

"A splendid choice! Splendid! I had it last night. I know the perfect wine to accompany it."

"Oh, maybe I shouldn't have wine. I have to work this afternoon."

"How delightful," the prince said, his eyes gleaming again. "I shouldn't worry about that, my good man. You shall have all the time in the world today…"

Jimmy was afraid his powerful imagination was blowing up a storm. It almost looked like Bluto and a couple other bodyguards were closing in on him…

**xoxoxoxoxo**

"Hello, my friends! An absolutely glorious day, is it not?"

The guards on duty at the NCIS front entrance grinned. You always expected the unexpected with Jimmy Palmer.

"Uh, aren't you forgetting something, Mr. Palmer?" asked one, kindly.

"And what would that be, my friend?" Jimmy stopped just short of attempting to go through the security scanner.

"Your ID card, sir." The guard made a swiping motion with his hand.

Jimmy thought for a moment, and then burst out laughing. "Oh, of course! How silly of me!" He pulled the card from his wallet and then swiped it through the machine with a flourish.

"Thank you, sir. You have a nice day, sir."

"And the same to you, sir! The same to you!"

**xoxoxoxoxo**

"Ah, there you are, Mr. Palmer," Ducky said, looking up as Jimmy came in. "Barely on time."

"I apologize, Doctor, er…Doctor. I shall endeavor to make up for it in working extra hard. Now…who can we cut open today?"

Ducky stepped back and eyed him. The trouble was, there was no 'normal' gage when it came to Jimmy. "As you know, we have the two petty officers who were brought in yesterday. I suppose you could—"

"Outstanding! I'll get right on it, Doctor!...Um, where are they again?"

"Drawers 85 and 87. Are you feeling quite all right, Mr. Palmer?"

"Never better!" Jimmy trotted over to one of the designated drawers and opened it, choosing then to _carry_ rather than _wheel_ the cadaver over to a table. "Let me see…what shall we use today?" While Ducky stared, open-mouthed, Jimmy, looking delighted, ran a hand across a tray of implements lovingly. "How about this one and this one and this one…?"

So saying, Jimmy got to work, and soon bones and bits of tissue were flying. Organs sailed through the air, landing on the scales with satisfying _plops._ Here and there body parts went, Jimmy chuckling all the while.

"Doctor Mallard, the SECNAV here would like to see—" Vance halted in mid-stride in Autopsy's doorway, as did Gibbs and the unsuspecting SECNAV. Gibbs held back the visiting film crew, who were along for the SECNAV's photo op.

"Maybe we should come back another time," said Gibbs, even as Ducky found his voice. _"Mr. Palmer!"_

"Hmmm? Oh, I'm almost done here, Doctor. Then I can start on the next one. This is _fun_!"

"_Stop filming!"_ Vance snapped at the film crew. "This is not what you think it is, and is not at all relevant to what we do here in Autopsy." He turned back. "Doctor Mallard, I will see you in my office in one hour."

Ducky nodded and sighed. This was uncharacteristic, even for Jimmy!

**xoxoxoxoxo**

It's true; that's not like our Jimmy at all. The reason for that, as you've probably guessed by now, is that our Jimmy was being impersonated by Prince Jhon, while the real Jimmy was unconscious and bound hand and foot in the Prince's lavish hotel suite.

When our Jimmy came around, he had the feeling he was being watched. With a groan (to acknowledge that his aching head was still attached to the rest of him), Jimmy looked around and found green-hazel eyes not too far away, looking back at him quizzically.

"Oh, not; not again!" Jimmy cried, remembering the scene in the bookstore. "Your…highness," (he thought that might be the right term) they caught you, too? Whoever they are?"

"I am at a disadvantage, sir," said the man who could have been Jimmy's double. "Have we met?"

"Well—yes! In the bookstore! And we just had lunch…and…wait a minute! If you're not Prince Jhon, then who _are_ you?"

"But I _am_ Jhon, sir. Jhon, one day to be Jhon XVII of Rhumbhertia. I fear you have run into my not-too-stable and ambitious brother, Prince Jhoe. We are twins, but I, as the elder, will inherit the throne. We also have wildly differing political views, and I am afraid he might do mischief if he were allowed to run free here."

Jimmy grimaced. "And he seemed so friendly!"

"A charming rascal he is. I wonder if we are related, sir? The resemblance is uncanny."

"Maybe. I don't know," Jimmy said in misery at having been duped. "Oh, my name's Jimmy, by the way. Jimmy Palmer."

"Jhimmy?"

"No, Jimmy."

"Jhimmy."

"Ah…close enough." Even with his hands tied, Jimmy was able to stretch enough to feel his pocket. "Oh, dang! Prince Jhoe stole my wallet! He'll have my work ID and will be able to get in where I work and pass himself off as me!"

Prince Jhon chuckled. "I wouldn't worry about that, my dear Jhimmy. Jhoe is singled-minded; the only interest he has in is—and this is amusing—dead bodies."

"But that's what I work with! I'm an assistant to a medical examiner!"

Jhon's chuckling stopped. "Ah. That could be a problem…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**xoxoxoxoxo**

"Doctor Mallard, if you don't get your assistant under control, he's _out of here!_" Vance fumed.

"Of course, Director. Jimmy has seemed a trifle…manic today. I'm sure it's just youthful hijinks, but I will speak to him." Ducky spoke with more confidence than he felt. He didn't like being called before Vance, even behind Vance's closed doors, but even more than that, Jimmy's behavior did disturb him. "I'm dreadfully sorry that it coincided with the SECNAV's visit."

Vance softened a little. It didn't do to rile Ducky; the man might just decide to retire and then Vance would have to find a replacement. "Well, it was partly my fault for not giving you warning about the visit. I only had a half hour's notice, myself. But please assure me that Palmer isn't like this every day!"

"He is not. This is an aberration."

"Keep an eye on him, Doctor. We can't afford to get a bad image."

"Yes, Director." Sensing that he was being dismissed, Ducky went out…hoping that Jimmy wasn't getting into trouble in his absence.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Abby strolled into Autopsy, a vial in her hand. "Hi there, Jimster! Is the Duckman around? I have the results of the sample, and I'm bringing the rest back."

Jhoe (still impersonating Jimmy) looked on at awe at the beautiful woman before him. She wore a very short pleated skirt; a t-shirt adorned with frolicking skeletons, knee-high boots, and earrings adorned with large silver skulls. Such was the woman he'd been looking for all his life! "Hello," he breathed.

"Something wrong, Jimmy? You act like you don't know me."

"I, um…of course I know you! What a silly idea; not knowing you!" Jhoe broke out in peals of laughter, intended to sound hearty.

Instead, they unnerved Abby, because that wasn't a type of laugh she'd ever heard from Jimmy. "Ummm…okay. Anyway, where's Duckster?"

Jhoe crossed the short distance to where she stood. Taking her hands in his, he gazed deeply into her strong green eyes. "Marry me," he said soulfully. "My kingdom shall be yours! You will be my Princess, and one day, when I am King, you shall be Queen, and rule by my side!"

She stared back at him. "Are you crazy, Palmer? You don't have a kingdom! Don't you think I, Abby Sciuto, forensic scientist and puzzle-solver-extraordinaire, would know if you did?"

_Ahbby! _"Ah…ahahaha…it was a little joke. Say you'll be mine, and I would not stop at a kingdom, my precious Ahbby; I will conquer all of Europe for you, and lay it at your feet. Would you like that, my little enchantress?"

Her eyes were wide. "Palmer, there is _weird_, and then there is _you_. Today, you are weird beyond your own standards! Tell Ducky to come see me in my lab when he gets a moment." Breaking her hands away from his, and still grasping the vial, she stormed out.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

When Ducky returned to Autopsy, "Jimmy", spent with the excitement of the day, was now fast asleep in a chair at the side of the room. Ducky sighed and looked at the two bodies, which were still out. The lad _had_ done a good job with his cutting, Ducky noticed. He was learning. "Mr. Palmer!" Ducky bellowed, startling his assistant into wakefulness. "Clean the implements, put our guests away, and then go home. The last thing I need the Director to see is you sleeping on the job."

"Uh…yes, Doctor. Uh…is there a service, or servants, who do the cleaning? I shall summon them for you."

Ducky's eyes narrowed. "The only servant around here is _you,_ Mr. Palmer. Now get to work!" He went out of the room, muttering.

When Jhoe finished cleaning the implements (the sink being a likely place for that, he thought), he took off the scrubs and put back on the clothes he'd "borrowed" from Jimmy. Then, whistling, he walked back out of NCIS the way he came in, and giving the surprised guards a hefty tip.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Once back at the hotel, he smiled on seeing Jimmy and Jhon, still tied up and looking disgruntled. "I had a marvelous time, my good man!" he said to Jimmy. "Simply _marvelous_! And you get _paid_ to do that? What fun!"

Jimmy grimaced. "And they never suspected you weren't me?"

"No! Why would they?"

Stopping to think, Jimmy honestly couldn't remember a time when his coworkers had been surprised by his behavior. "Forget it."

"It was delightful! Your Director was there with an overbearing man from your Navy—"

"The SECNAV, probably," Jimmy groaned.

"—and a film crew—"

"I'm dead!"

"—and I met a most captivating creature name Ahbby—"

"Abby?"

"—to whom I have proposed marriage. Of course you will attend the wedding."

"I'm _really_ dead now."

Jhoe laughed. "What a delightful sense of humor you have, my friend! Just like me. Just like me! And you will need it. I have to give a speech tomorrow before your Congress. I don't want to do it, so I shan't."

"_I'm_ supposed to give that speech, you rogue!" Jhon shouted.

"Now, now; brother dear. You are full of silly ideas like fair trade and economic cooperation and peaceful coexistence. Those are hardly the sentiments that made Rhumbhertia the world power it is today!"

"Rhumbhertia _isn't_ a world power! It's barely 110 square kilometres in size! And we _have_ been living peacefully with our neighbors for over 300 years!"

"An oversight, which will be tolerated no longer. Our friend Palmer, here, will give the speech I have prepared, while I am having another day of fun cavorting with the recently deceased. The world shall tremble afterwards! And then we will return home…well, _I_ will, dear brother, with the sad news that you drowned in the Potomac River and your body was not recovered. And I will take the throne when dear Papa dies. It will be a new day for Rhumbhertia."

"I have just one question," said Jimmy. "Did you learn about America from watching a lot of old movies?"

"Why…yes!"

"Thought so." _Now, how do I get us out of this?_

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Back at NCIS, Ducky was fussing over having to do the work of two. When Gibbs came in for a status report, Ducky nearly chased him out with a scalpel. "Whatever it was, I didn't do it, Duck," Gibbs said mildly, hands raised, and Ducky relented.

"Sorry, Jethro. I am having to do the work of ten, it seems…If you are here to give me yet another case, then find another agency. I am booked up."

"Where's Palmer?"

"I sent him home. He was behaving oddly."

"Even odder than this morning, when he was tossing body parts like pizza dough?"

Ducky ignored that, as he was usually inclined to defend Jimmy. "So I am 'by my lonesome', as you might say. Up to my ears in work."

"Is he gone?" Abby said, coming in. "Palmer? He isn't here? Well, good!" She crossed her arms. "Let me tell you about your assistant, Ducky! Not only was he supposed to give you a message from me—I have your test results—but he was _very_ weird."

"How so?" asked Gibbs.

"He—" Abby clamped her mouth shut. Suddenly it felt wrong to talk about Jimmy behind his back, if it got him into trouble. "Well, he was just weird. He's probably having an off day." With difficulty, she kept from laughing. "Uh, you wanted test results, and here they are!" Handing them over, she ran back out.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

In her lab, reluctant to go back to work, Abby's mind wandered. _What if Jimmy said was true? What would it be like to be a princess, married into a royal family, and living in a fairy tale palace? One with dungeons?_ That made her heart sing. _And a court jester? Jimmy could double as the jester. Wait; Jimmy telling jokes to himself? Well, lots of people laugh at their own jokes, I guess…_

She shook her head to clear it. This was all an illusion, a product of a mind gone out of control. Abby had been flattered by many men in her lifetime, but the gentle ones, like Jimmy, like Tim, deserved a little care. Tim had been treated less than kindly by her, she knew now, but she'd never figured out a way to repair that damage. With Jimmy, though, she could make repairs while the wounds were still fresh. Maybe...

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Vance still had a headache when the SECNAV phoned him in mid-afternoon.

"_Vance, we have another chance for a photo op. We'll switch from an Autopsy theme to an international-cooperation one. The crown prince of Rhumbhertia is speaking before Congress tomorrow. Military readiness is one of his themes, so I'll be there. I want you to be there, too."_

"Yes, sir," Vance said, while typing RUMBIRDIA on a Google search and coming up blank. Silently he cursed Palmer for getting him stuck with spending a day on Capitol Hill. If Palmer got in his sight in the next 48 hours, he was a dead man.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**xoxoxoxoxo**

_Now I know how a Ken doll feels,_ Jimmy thought, uncomfortably, while two of the royal family aides dressed him in Jhon's finest suit, complete with sash and military medals.

"You look magnificent, dear Jimmy! Just like me! Just like me!" Jhoe crowed, walking around him. "Your—_our_—picture will be in all the papers and all the news channels and the internet within hours."

"And this is a _good_ thing?" Jimmy grumbled.

"Of course it is! And once you have given my speech, the world will know that Rhumbhertia takes a back seat to no one!"

"Actually, I always liked riding in the back seat," said Jimmy. "When my dad drove, I could play back there or go to sleep or eat crackers or—"

"Yes, yes," Jhoe cut him off. "You will do fine with the speech. Do not deviate from it, my good man; Bluto will be right behind you the entire time."

Most definitely a threat. Jimmy assumed Bluto would be armed; even if not, he was probably as lethal as Ziva was. _I hope I'm not starting WWIII with this speech…_

He also wondered if there was a law against impersonating a foreign potentate before the US government. _The Director could probably find one…_

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Once dressed, he was locked back in the bedroom with the real Prince Jhon. He wasn't handcuffed, unlike the crown prince, but the situation was just as difficult. There was no way to escape. "I'm sorry, your, your—" He'd forgotten the proper address again.

"My friends just call me 'Jhon'," the prince said kindly.

Jimmy blinked, and smiled a watery smile. "I'm sorry, Jhon. Sorry that I resemble you. Sorry that I got you into this fix."

"It's not your fault, Jhimmy. I should have left Jhoe at home. He had planned to attend a necrophiliacs' convention this weekend. I thought seeing America would be a good thing for him. I was wrong," He sighed. "Mistakes were made. One cannot go through life without making some now and then."

"You have a good philosophy."

Jhon shrugged. "My grandfather always said, 'Life is 1% action and 99% philosophy.' I would rather wait and analyze a situation than run at it blindly."

"Is that what Prince Jhoe is going to do?"

"My brother has some outrageous ideas; some from bad acquaintances, some from too many hours of playing video games. And, I fear he has a…personality disorder that would make him unsuitable to be the future king,"

"He said he intends to kill you!"

"That is part of it."

Silence fell. "There's a way out of this," said Jimmy, after awhile. "I'm sure there must be. The special agents I work with—they don't give up. Never."

Jhon smiled a little, and his smile grew. "Is that so?"

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Shortly before 1 p.m. Leon Vance and the SECNAV settled into their seats in the visitor's section of the House chamber for this special joint meeting of Congress, to be addressed by the crown prince of the little-known European state of Rhumbertia. Vance heard the mumblings around him about the scant knowledge available about this tiny monarchy, but the general view seemed to be that any visit by a foreign dignitary was a break from routine and therefore, a treat. All Vance knew was that he'd rather be back at NCIS. He was going on too little sleep as it was; both of his kids had the flu and he and Jackie had been up most of the night with them. He was not at his best.

Precisely at 1, the Speaker of the House took to the podium, and in warm terms bid a welcome to His Royal Highness, Prince Jhon of Rhumbhertia. Smiling and applauding with the members of Congress, she stepped aside while the youthful crown prince stepped up.

"Hmph. Never did care for those foreign sashes and stuff," the SECNAV grumbled. Vance only blinked and rubbed his tired eyes as he peered at the far-off stage. Why did the prince look familiar?

"_Madame Speaker, esteemed members of the United States Congress, ladies and gentlemen; I am honored to be before you today,"_ began "Jhon" (in fact, Jimmy). _"Our two nations have enjoyed a long history of friendship and peace, rooted in common values and interests. It has been a glorious couple of centuries. You may remember that Rhumbhertia supported your War of Independence, sending 137 troops to aid your cause. Sadly, they became lost and landed in Newfoundland and so did not arrive until the final twelve days of your war, but I'm sure you'll agree that it was the thought that counted."_

There were murmurs of agreement and light applause from the audience. People loved to be reminded of the successful wars.

Vance, however, stiffened and glared. What he was thinking bordered on the impossible.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

_Meanwhile, at NCIS…_

Jhoe, dressed again as Jimmy, strolled in Autopsy, whistling. "Whom shall we slice up today, Doctor? I yearn for new adventures, I do!"

Ducky looked at his assistant, and didn't bother holding back his sigh. He'd hoped that whatever madness had infected young Palmer yesterday would have evaporated overnight. That did not seem to have happened, however. "We have no new guests, Mister Palmer. The team has not been called out on a case in several days. Perhaps the world has become a sunnier, safer place."

"Oh dear; I hope not!" said 'Jimmy'. "That would be a blow to our profession!"

Ducky now stared. "Mister Palmer! We have had our little chats before about _appropriate_ and _inappropriate_ remarks…"

"Yes, Doctor? Rest assured, I have not been aware that you have said anything inappropriate at any time! I shall indeed vouch for your good character and sense of decency!"

"But…" Ducky's mouth fell open.

"Might I take a few personal moments, my good man? I must have words with the beauteous Ahbby, and my heart tells me it can wait no longer!" Without waiting for an answer, he dashed out.

"I suppose so…" Ducky mumbled to 'Jimmy's' departing form.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

"Ahbby! My little treasure! You are here!" Jhoe cried as he flounced into her lab.

She turned her head away from Master Mass Spec and looked at him. "Uh…yeah. This is where they have me working, Jimmy."

"And it is my delight, no, my _privilege_ to work in the same building as you. But not for long! Not for long! Soon you shall be ruling at my side, and the whole world shall be at your feet."

"What; are we going to the top of Mt. Everest?" Mildly amused, she turned back to Master Mass Spec.

"If that is what you desire, my sweet black rose, that is what we shall do! But! I came in here now to give you a small token of my affection; a down payment, if you like, on our upcoming wedded life together."

"Palmer…"

"Open it! Do open it now! I bought it this morning on the way to work. I saw it, and knew right off that it could only adorn your pretty neck." He thrust a gift box at her.

"Palmer, you really shouldn't have..." she said, opening the white box slowly. This joke had gone too far, and she knew Jimmy couldn't afford lavish gifts.

She had no idea how lavish it was, and gasped as she opened the large, heavy box. Inside the box was a necklace…but no ordinary necklace. A roughly triangular plate, measuring about five inches across and seven inches deep, had an image of a skull and crossbones: the skull and bones made up thousands of tiny diamonds; the black background was composed of innumerable tiny black pearls. It was all on a hefty black chain studded with larger diamonds.

"Allow me to fasten it on you, my darling necrophiliac."

Abby recovered quickly from her shock, and closed the box. "Jimmy, fun is fun, but this joke's gone too far. Did you rob a costume jewelry shop for this?"

"My sweet! How could you think such a thing? The only robbery in this fair city is that you have stolen my heart, which I would have given to you, gladly." He stepped toward her.

Now she was starting to be frightened. Abby had an eye for jewelry, and had known from the start that the jewels were real. What had she gotten herself into?

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Tires screeching, two cars pulled up in front of the ritzy hotel at which the crown prince was staying. Gibbs had his own car, with Tim, and Tony and Ziva travelled in Tony's. The affair was weird enough that it seemed likely that the team would have to split up at some point.

With a sense of urgency, Gibbs' demeanor and badge got the manager on duty to immediately assent to letting them into the prince's suite. "That was some strange phone call Palmer made," Tony remarked for about the third time. "Being held prisoner by a foreign prince? And speaking before Congress? If this is all a joke…"

"Only Palmer could tell such a story and have it be true," said Tim. "I think Ducky's stories have rubbed off on him."

"Quiet!" snapped Gibbs, and pushed the suite door open. They burst in; guns drawn. All they did was startle a few female royal aides, who looked defenseless.

"Where are you keeping Jimmy Palmer?" Tony demanded. When they didn't answer, he said, louder and slower, "Where—are—you—keeping—Jimmy—Palmer?"

"We do speak English, sir," said one of the aides. "But who is this 'Jhimmy Hpalmer'?"

"Search all the rooms," Gibbs directed Tony and Ziva.

In a few minutes, Ziva called out from one of the bedrooms. Gibbs and Tony hurried in to find her forcing open Jhon's handcuffs. "Palmer! How in the world—"

"Thank you, my dear," said Jhon, getting to his feet stiffly, and then bowing. "I am not your friend Jhimmy, I am afraid. I am Jhon, crown prince of Rhumbhertia. And yes, as so many have now remarked, the resemblance is uncanny."

"Your Highness, may I?" Tim stepped up with his portable fingerprint scanner. With the prince's consent, and AIFIS' database, he had an answer swiftly. "I wasn't sure you'd be in our system, Your Highness, but it looks like you are you."

Jhon smiled. "It is not required of foreign diplomats entering the United States, but I have nothing to hide. I allowed myself to be fingerprinted voluntarily."

"But where is Jimmy Palmer?" asked Ziva. "We received a frantic phone call from him…"

"Ah. He was held here in handcuffs, as was I. Then they dressed him in my suit and put him back in here with me until it was time to go before Congress. I remembered, though, that although they had taken from him his mobile telephone, they had only put it in a drawer here. Since he now had hands free, he was able to call you…only a minute before they took him away."

"Where did they take him?"

"To your Congress, as I have said. He should be speaking now, a horribly revised version of my intended speech, in a joint meeting of your Congress."

Tony flipped on the TV. One of the ZNN sub-channels, sure enough, was carrying the address live.

"But what's the point?"

Jhon looked grim. "My enemies, sir, intend to declare war."

**xoxoxoxoxo**

_Come on; Gibbs. Come on, Tony, Ziva, McGee…get me out of this!_

_I don't want to go down in the history books…not this way!_

Jimmy swallowed and turned the page in his speech. _"Rhumbhertia is a prosperous land with a high standard of living. We are rich in minerals and are a popular vacation destination for citizens of at least two or three countries of Europe. Still, the Disney corporation has refused to consider our requests for a Disneyland-Rhumbhertia. That is beyond our royal understanding._

"_Our serfs—I mean, citizens—"_ Jimmy couldn't let that one pass, uncorrected. _"enjoy happy living in a benevolent monarchy in which the Royal Family knows what is best for them. They will happily live and die to support our new goal of global nuclear proli—"_

He became aware of a movement to his side, and from the corner of his eye saw the Speaker of the House, looking started, listening to someone. He turned his head some more and saw that the person talking to her, from the wings, was Gibbs!

The Speaker whispered to Jimmy, who then readdressed the audience._ "I, uh, we beg your indulgence for a moment while we, uh, straighten something out backstage." _He trotted off stage left, following Bluto, who, seeing that he had guns trained on him by Gibbs' team in the wings, recognized the value in a bloodless coup.

On stage left, a grinning Prince Jhon was waiting for him, in Jimmy's ordinary button-down shirt and trousers. Quickly they switched clothes. "Your speech!" Jimmy cried. "I'm sorry; they took your original away from me and substituted—"

"Not to fear. It is all up here, my friend," Jhon said, tapping his head. "I have not yet been unable to talk myself out of a difficult address. Now…it is time to repair the damage Jhoe has made." Confidently he walked out to the podium.

"Where is the ringleader to all this?" Gibbs said, as he gladly turned Bluto over to the Secret Service.

"Prince Jhoe? Haven't you guessed? If you haven't missed me before this, I'd assume he's at NCIS, pretending to be me. He did that yesterday."

"That explains a lot," Tim groaned.

Gibbs' phone rang. "Yeah, Duck."

"_Jethro, where are you? I'm afraid that Jimmy has gone berserk, and is threatening to take Abigail away somewhere!"_

"On my way!" Snapping his phone shut, he called out, "Ziva, Palmer—with me. DiNozzo, McGee—see that Prince Jhon finished his speech safely." Ziva and Jimmy had to run to keep up with him.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Abby was becoming frightened. Jimmy was tall and strong, and although she knew a few self-defense moves, she wasn't sure she could take him down. She was pretty sure she couldn't, in fact. "Jimmy, you're a nice, sweet, guy but—"

"No, no, my lovely. Nothing can come between us!"

"You have a girlfriend!"

"The only woman for me is you! Can you not hear the stars singing our names?"

"My lab is pretty soundproof…"

"You play hard to get, little teaser. I find that endearing. Do not fight what is in your heart, my Ahbby. Soon the royal trumpets shall sound, heralding the news of our wedding! If you like, I can buy you an island as a wedding gift. Would you like to own Hawaii? Or perhaps, Britain?"

She was afraid, and yet, still, a trifle amused. "Would I have to dust it all by myself?"

He roared with laughter. "No, no! That would be beneath your station, my dear! We shall employ hundreds of serfs to do that."

" 'Serfs'? Jimmy, where are you getting all these strange words?"

"He watches a lot of old movies," said a similar voice, and both Abby and 'Jimmy' turned to see the real Jimmy, flanked by Gibbs and Ziva, who had their guns drawn.

"Jimmy?" Abby said, her head swiveling back and forth between the two identical men.

"Not only that," Jimmy continued, "but he really _does_ see his people as serfs. They're a bright lot, in a country with a high standard of living and better cell phone technology than we have, but he's stuck in the Middle Ages."

"Who _is_ he?" Abby demanded.

"Prince Jhoe, second in line to the throne of Rhumbertia," said Gibbs, while Ziva handcuffed the prince.

"But how—why—what—"

"It's a long story," said Jimmy.

"With you, Jimmy, I'm sure it is."

"You cannot hold me! I am of the Royal Family! I have diplomatic immunity!" Jhoe fumed.

"Yes, Your Highness," Gibbs agreed as they sat in a conference room. The handcuffs were off Jhoe, but he was unlikely to get past Gibbs and Ziva. "We're technically not holding you. We're just…keeping you safe here until the Secret Service stops by. They'll be your escorts until you and your bodyguard leave the country tomorrow."

"Do you still have the receipt for the nice necklace you bought Abby?" Ziva asked sweetly. "Perhaps we can return it for you."

"Tell her to keep it," Jhoe said with a sigh. "Perhaps she will come to her senses and visit me one day in Rhumbertia."

**xoxoxoxoxo**

Vance arrived back at NCIS after slipping away from the SECNAV following the end of the crown prince's address. He'd stopped for a bite to eat, but was not in a much better mood.

The first person he ran into was Ducky. "Has that assistant of your been behaving himself today, Doctor Mallard?"

Ducky shook his head wearily, and said, sighing. "It's all so very strange. You have no idea…"

Vance would have mentioned the fact that the crown prince bore a slight resemblance to—but no, that must be all in his mind, and the ME had already moved off. Shrugging, Vance went to his office to tell his secretary that he was going home to get some sleep.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

On the plane the next day, Prince Jhon opened a note that had been handed to him by one of the pleasant Secret Service agents before takeoff.

_Hello, Your Highness, Prince Jhon._

_You don't know me, but my name is Abby Sciuto. My friend Jimmy Palmer tells me you are a really nice guy._

_If you are ever back in DC, I would like to meet you. Without your brother Jhoe._

_Sincerely,_

_Abby_

With a smile, Jhon put it away to look at again, and consider, later.

-END-


End file.
